Each year, November is recognized as National Adoption Awareness Month. The main focus of this month is mainly children adopted from the foster care system or currently in it, however it does seldom include the choice of adoption in general, be it foreign or domestic. Jody Landers said it best with this quote “A child born to another woman calls me mom. The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me”. The irony that something terribly wrong had to happen to a mother for her to choose an adoption plan, or for a child/children to be separated from (sometimes) the only biological human they know, for a family to feel joyfully complete, should never be lost on us. If only this month, let’s think about and recognize those in the triad (bio parents, adoptive parents and child/children). Let’s sympathize and appreciate the choices, decisions and heartaches that exists in this difficult, yet beautiful design.
Of course in this simple blog I can only share my experiences as a potential adoptive parent, 3 years in ladies and gentleman, and I tell you it is not a walk in the park and for the record being ‘paper pregnant’ isn’t thing, otherwise I’d soon give birth to an elephant (I think those are the animals that are pregnant that long, right?) In 3 years we have hit road block after road block and written check after check. I would do this 100 times over but I can’t deny that it gets hard as time rolls on. The only part I agree with equating when it comes to pregnancy and adoption is the part you forget, the hard parts. Since I have a biological son I did experience birth and full disclosure it wasn’t my favorite. Of course I didn’t have the hardest of births but pain is pain whether it was for an hour or 24 hours. During it you are screaming bloody murder, questioning your doctor’s degree, planning your spouse’s untimely demise, and bargaining with God to let the kid live in your womb already. Wait..was that just me? ok sure but 2 minutes later as you stare at your masterpiece you forget all of it…….ok I won’t say 2 minutes later but you get the idea. I am hoping this is exactly the same. I’m hopeful that we are matched and all that anxiety and despair from waiting will transform into pure bliss, and just like birth, we would want to do it over again.
Today we were told by a lawyer working for the DGA that our agency has been suspended and surely they will ultimately cancel their practices in Peru. We were also told that we needed to find another agency to represent us from here on. If you have followed our journey, you’d know how close we were to being matched. This news was yet another heartbreaking roadblock in an already difficult enough journey. My agency decided to withhold that little nugget of information. They thought it was best to keep me waiting for something that will never come in hope that they can fix their situation in Peru and not lose me as a customer. Not cool Villa Hope. For that I will now unleash a few of my most fierce curses:
May Siri always auto correct mom to ass May you lose the ability to differentiate between a fart and poop May all your friends leave you on read receipt May your neighbor’s horrible drum playing 7 year old practice every time you have a hangover.
I know, I know that was petty. We are angry! We feel cheated and we lost trust in our agency. Now we must find a new agency and hope they don’t see us coming and take us for all we are worth for representation. See, now I’m super cynical…..I’m lying I always was a little but this was vindication. I have emailed someone at the DGA’s office in hopes that we can continue in the process of being matched as we find a new agency, so now we wait.
I went down my own list of agencies and most of them require us to be born again christians and fully active members of the church. Ahhhh I remember why we didn’t choose them now. Don’t get me wrong we are not non believers, we are faithful but not religious. We have a personal and private relationship with God that we don’t feel needs to be explained, defined, justified or disclosed to anyone. The children we bring into this home will be raised to be kind, tolerant, loving and compassionate and they will know abundant love. Why would my religion matter? Truth is, we are desperate enough to fake it but then I remember……..you know….our family. We just had Thanksgiving dinner with these people and well, we are what we are.
So in the month of National Adoption Day I would say that every part of the triad shares some heartache but we all have one thing in common, LOVE.