Full disclosure: I made up that number, math is hard. To continue with the never-ending saga of transferring agencies with one that refuses to cooperate with you and insists on keeping dossiers hostages, I would be remiss to ignore another ugly side of the adoption process that no one really shares. For the past month and a half my dear husband and I have been at each others throat, not literally of course…well not while he’s awake, I mean not like I pretend to choke him in his sleep while he’s breathing through that very loud apnea machine thinking maybe the machine might just stopped working …..uhmm..what? Anyway, I don’t do that. I have noticed that through this little adoption hiccup we have not so much as united and conquered as divided and surrendered. Adoption 1 – Potential adoptive parents 0. I also must mention that all of those little character flaws, or Jessica-isms, if you will, that are not my most attractive traits have been disastrously amplified. You see, in my very hispanic family we have no concept of volume, personal space….. and maybe reality. We also don’t emote in a normal way…..as other….humans. So let me give you an idea of what most of our conversations about adoption have been like lately.
Hubby: ‘So did you talk to the agency today? Did they get our paperwork?’
Me: ‘Yes, they have had it for weeks and I kept that information from you because I thought it would be cute’ (ughhh sarcasm, Jessica-ism #1)
Hubby: ‘You don’t have to be mean, I was just asking’
Me: ‘Then maybe you should pick up a phone and call the unresponsive agency yourself or fill out the mountain of paperwork for the new agency, in between work and running this house” (outlandish exaggeration, Jessica-ism #2)
This is naturally followed by hubby’s pseudo-apology with a side of condescension (though I must say, this could be in my head). But I soldier on…..annnnd we are off.
Now don’t get me wrong, we are all in on this adoption, we are just not dealing well with the roadblocks lately. Truth be told, our plate is fuller than my mom’s at a buffet restaurant when she is not paying. Fortunately, we are not ones to stay mad at each other long, but this happens and it should never raise doubts on your desire to adopt. It happens to the best of us in the best of situations. We are still in this and we are still in this together. We are tired, frustrated, we feel cheated and taken advantage of and we are our nearest target, that’s all.
I have read blog after blog on adoption. Most of them have some religious component that works for them as they go through the process. They discuss how close and how much in touch with their faith they have become since their adoption process began. Meanwhile, back at the ranch (aka my house), I am yelling at my husband as we decipher legal approaches for an agency that has left us hanging, while he mansplains the reason we might be out of luck. Trust me, none of it exuding closeness or devoutness. Nevertheless, it makes the blog because for me, this is real. I make no apologies for being raw, organic and maybe a little crude (great, now I want a steak). If it’s happening in our adoption process, it’s part of AN adoption process and maybe you won’t be caught of guard if you experience it too. Not all of it is pretty and miraculous and much like giving birth, we will at some point forget all the complications and unpleasantries the minute we meet our children. But for now, I am not enjoying it and I am not feeling blessed and that is most certainly ok.
He will never NOT be my best friend and soul mate