While there are many things I wish I had known about the waiting period, these 5 are the ones we struggle with the most and the ones I wish I had heard more about. So allow me to be the friend that tells it like it is. You know, that friend who tells you that in fact, your butt does look big in that dress, or yes that guy you’ve been crushing on IS a loser. It took me a while to realize these feelings and doubts are perfectly normal and it has no bearing on your desire or motivation to adopt. So here they are in no particular order:
- The unbearably long process makes you question (however brief) if this is something you should continue to pursue.
Now I don’t know about you but I have the attention span of a 2 year old, so when it comes to long processes I often lose interest and quit. No really, my son’s birth certificate says he is caucasian and I have been meaning to change it since neither my husband nor I are. 17 years later my very hispanic looking son is wondering if HE was adopted. Anywhooo….. (as I order SIRI to remind me to do that tomorrow)… I question why we don’t just stop this whole thing every day, if only for a few minutes, but then I remind myself how much I REALLY want this and I’m all in once again. I feel bad every time but I know this has to be a perfectly normal emotion went faced with such a lengthy process, and it doesn’t mean I want this any less.
- The wait is more emotionally exhausting than anyone could have imagined.
When people told me how hard the wait was, I just assume they meant you’ll be overwhelmed with the stuff you have to do and then with the arrangements that must happen as you wait to be matched. NOPE. They meant you might be waiting a gazillion years and your emotions will turn into those of a girl in the midst of puberty. One minute I’m happy thinking of the prospect of bringing a new child into our family, then I’m nervous wondering if our house is ready, soon after I may go into a rage of why Peru is making us wait so long but then sadness creeps up as I envision a longer wait and the cycle continues. I’m Cybil at the wheel ladies and gentlemen. God Bless my husband for purgatory; its name is Jessica.
- The many times in the day you think about just running to Peru, walking into an orphanage and saying, “I’ll take these 3 now, k, thank you”.
That’s right, I said it, I fantasize about bringing my children home just like that. Is it just me? Of course I would never do a thing like that….’cause that’s bad….right? Right! of course, that’s bad. It is fun to imagine them here with me already though. To be clear I am not one of those crazies that would steal babies from hospital nurseries, I mean, that’s creepy and also I’m too pretty for jail. The wait does play with your mind and makes you a bit wacky. And don’t worry, those are the things I DO keep as my inner monologue.
- How very little control you have in the entire process.
If I haven’t mention this enough, I am a bit of a control freak. This is, of course, my biggest flaw. I attempt to manipulate every aspect of my life and even jump in when someone is doing something different than the way I would do it, or not fast enough. Having things my way is my drug. This process has become my biggest challenge. It is also fixing this flaw in my design. I feel I am learning not to be so neurotic. And again, it begs repeating, my husband is a saint.
- How often you question if there is something about you that prevents them from matching you with a child.
And if you also haven’t noticed, I have the healthiest self esteem you could imagine. I’m fabulous! However, this process is taking me down a few notches. I am even questioning how good we are economically, as a family or personally that Peru doesn’t find us desirable. Of course, my ‘healthy self-esteem’ brain likes to think my husband and child are the dead weight, because I am a delight. But the honest truth is they make me look fantastic most of the time.
So here is my truth sauce for today!! Everyone that adopts goes through this as they wait. You are not crazy and these thoughts don’t necessarily mean you are having second thoughts. It means its been long enough and you are struggling with the wait as we all do. It happens and its normal. Cut yourself some slack!
My latest project to pass the time
This blog being written:)