….How the heck did I get here?

You there God, it’s me Jessica……. Ha ha! Who am I kidding.  He’s answer will probably be “hmm yeah…. I gotta say, not ringing a bell”.  Not that I am not a good christian I just don’t know how people determine such a claim.  I go to church Sundays but truth be told I am that one that complains if it goes a little longer and sometimes if my head is down and my eyes are close, well let’s just say I am not always praying.  I also subscribe to the idea that charity begins at home and trust me I live with some needy people.  You know what, at the end of the day no one should need to justify their life to anyone else.  God knows my shenanigans, he made me this way.  But this is not what this blog post is about.  At this moment I am sitting on my desk, willing my computer to beep announcing a new received email and hoping its from the agency finishing our updated homestudy.  Let me paint you this most pathetic picture.  I woke up at 6 this morning because our new labradoodle has the bladder of a drunk bridesmaid.  As I stood outside trying to convince said dog that THAT is the perfect spot in which to take a dump, I remember that we had a timeline set by the state department in which to send in documents that were not attached to the I-800a extension.  2 hours of research only yields a sentence which states that documents must follow the application in 3 weeks.  Doing the math, I believe we have a week at most.  So here I sit at 9am puffy eyed and whizzing from the ungodly layer of pollen that has settled here like a blanket of snow, drinking, what appears to be either green tea, or last night’s used olive oil (verdict still out), waiting to get a response from the agency to see how long it might be until we get the report.  So the question remains; How the heck did I get here?  The simple answer, of course, is my body stopped working and I still wanted more kids.  But it isn’t as simple as that.  The truth is everything for a couple of years now has been out of our control. We have done everything they have asked of us.  I know we are no Jolie-Pitt, I guess really Jolie or Pitt now,  but I think we look great on paper.  I would want to be adopted by us.  I always wonder if they have an easier way to adoption than most of us without their connections and/or money?  I hope not but I certainly don’t see them blogging about it for years of frustration.

And finally the BEEP.  The email arrives and I guess they are waiting for our child abuse clearances to arrive from each state.  FROM EVERY STATE? Oh dear Lord!! If you have forgotten, let me remind you that we have lived in 10 states.  Oh and some of those states, I won’t name names but it rhymes with Hennessy (hmm…. focus Jessica its 11am), are soooo slow to respond, I’d sooner drive there and ask their ‘clerk’ in my best southern manners to hand it to me.   Also, how is it that they are still checking states I have not lived in for years.  They have had clearances done 3 times for all those states, not to mention fingerprints as well.  Did they think I would travel some 12 hours away just to rough up a kid.  If that has been done there’s a special place in hell for those people.

So the email has been received and AGAIN, there is nothing more I can do but wait. That is a word I have learn to HATE.  A word that meant very little to me before and now it equates to words like ‘moist’ or ‘squirt’.  Great! Thanks adoption.  So to summarize, this is how I got here.  My body didn’t work and I still wanted more kids, we started the process of adoption and now we WAIT….

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