Generally I love talking about our adoption with people who are truly interested about our progress and our feelings about it. Most people we encounter may ask a few strange questions but we always know they have the best intention of learning about what we are facing. I also don’t expect people NOT going through the process to fully understand the intricately complex parts it involves. I was probably one of those early on. Then there are those interactions in the topic that leave me wishing that a meteor would just hit me right there and engulf me in flames as a million rhinos trample me on a road of nails. Yup, that’s how bad I want to avoid these 5 kinds of people. (Names have been changed to protect……well me from their batshit craziness) Let me tell you how our conversations usually go.
The “I had a boss who’s cousin’s hairdresser’s sister’s neighbor adopted and the kid had a lot of mental issues, he ended up burning her house down and killing the dog and cat” Person
…uhmmmm…..I don’t…… WHAT? Is your intent to scare me from adopting? Because that story is scary to anyone even planning on getting pregnant, EVER. Anyone with a uterus will run for the hills. Like I hope you can tell that story on prom night as the kids are leaving the High School. Really! Forget handing out condoms, you just sit there and tell your unbelievably scary and perhaps incredibly unsolicited story MAAARCIA! Also, yes, most kids adopted have some traumas that might need to be tended to but an adoptive parents goes through training to be aware of these seek the help needed. Ultimately, they try to love them through whatever happens like any parent would.
The “are you going to change their names to something more American..” Person
Well let me answer your question JAAAANE. You saying ‘change’ implies these children were already named by someone who loved them. Now let me prefix this with a little information. The children we are expecting to be approved for are older than 2 and younger than 12. So to think that we would take the last little bit of a tiny human’s identity after yanking them from their country and separating them from the people they have known for years is cruel and insulting. There is very little they are keeping of their life in Peru, so NO we would NEVER take their names as well. Think about it, a woman loved these little humans and took the time to carefully named them and they heard their names come out of this woman’s mouth many times. I will honor that action as I am forever grateful they painfully thought and love them enough to want a better life for them.
The “Gosh it’s taking so long, I would have quit the process already….” Person
NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR SHORT ATTENTION SPAN SHEEEILA!!! If you are that easily discouraged then your heart wasn’t ready to grow your family this way. We were quite aware of the process being lengthy (granted we were not prepared for how lengthy) and we did ‘heart checks’ quite often. Heart checks is when we pause for a while and really revisit the reason we wanted to adopt and what this still means to us. If we are still unbelievably excited for the prospect and we don’t care what and how long it takes to bring our kids home, then we drive on.
The “Why can’t you get babies so you can raise them how you want…” Person
They aren’t coming from the pound or are being cared for by wolves, MAAARTHA. They are in orphanages where caregivers are watching over them. They are attending school and making friends. We will still raise them when they come to us, we are not adopting 30 year olds. We are not perfect parents but we plan to do the best we can like any other parent would hope.
And my all-time favorite, the “Wow, you probably could have adopted three kids here in America by now” Person
First of all, learn some geography CAAAARL, I am adopting from America, South America to be exact but I know you mean the United States. When we were thinking about adopting, I don’t think time, race, and geography were a part of the discussion. I am from Peru and I knew the need. I knew there were many children in my home country that were waiting for their forever family and we felt moved to be one of those families. Also, CAAARL, I don’t think you know how adoption works but you don’t just decide to adopt, fill out a paper and kids appear at your doorstep. I think you are thinking of Amazon Prime…… and maybe not so much kids……..but dolls, you freak!
Of course they all end the same. Me faking a call, stepping away to ‘take it’ and never coming back. I just refuse to engage, choosing, instead, to give them the stank eye from across the room as I pretend to crush their heads with my thumb and finger. Yeah I know, childish, don’t knock it till you try it. There is something satisfying about pretending to crush their head from across the room as they drink their stupid Starbuck’s latte and discuss their morning meeting whICH NOBODY CARES ABOUT ….MAAARCIA!! Again, names have been changed! Soooooo ok, good talk! Till my next post. Have a great weekend!