What? How? I Can’t Even………

through-life-im-fine-this-is-fine-ace-book-com-aqueensosass-17337143

Peru has really outdone themselves this time.  Soooo, last I left you, we were waiting for  approval to adopt a sibling group of 2.  Remember? I was complaining because they were taking longer than the 10 days they are suppose to have (FYI we were going on 3.5 weeks).  Well I thought that was the bad part, it turns out I was underestimating Peru because a few days ago we hear that not only did they not have an approval for us but they added a child to the sibling group we had already reviewed.  So basically them: “oh hey, BTW these kids have a baby brother that we just added to the group, he has a few documented medical issues and some that are anyone’s guess but the kids just remembered him and we just found him so he’ll be tagging along k, my bad”.  Me:”…uhmm.. say what now? New phone who dis”.  Oh yes, Peru thought it was perfectly appropriate to ‘add’ a new HUMAN to the group that we had already spent weeks studying and preparing mentally, physically and emotionally for, mid approval and with as little explanation as possible.  A day or two later they sent us a video and the new child’s medical assessment and it was as vague and as incomplete as usual.  Hey, at least they are consistent in that.  So to say that this news hit us like the glacier that sank the titanic is an understatement.  We now had to either quickly review the documents and accept it or risk starting from scratch reviewing the priority list of children once more.  Reviewing it was painful because we had already whole heartedly accepted the fact that 1. Adopted children can/may come with emotional issues that you may not know about. 2. Adopted children can/may come with medical issues that were not diagnosed there.  and 3. You are relying on their medical, emotional and psychological assessments to see what you are willing and able to handle and provide for them but you are always taking a gamble because of the lacking resources available to them in assessing the children.  We know this and accepted that gamble x2.  Now they were asking us to take a third and because of the assessment of the other two we knew that a third would be too much for our family.  Look, I wish I could say I will take them all, God knows my poor ‘bleeding heart’ husband would, given the chance, but at the end of the day we still have to feed, clothe, and educate this children.  Contrary to popular belief, there are certain things we cannot just ‘love’ a child through.  We want to love, care for and provide for their every need and in adopted children that includes being prepared and ready to cover any medical and psychological help we can give.  We want to be realistic in what we can handle, taking into consideration that we already have a child at home as well.

So that is the circus of emotions that we have been living in for the past couple of days.  We were so close….so so close and Peru said “nah, this ain’t over yet”.  So if I was ever going to hurt someone physically when I hear the question “How’s the adoption going?”.  Trust me when I say, it would be now.  This is the main reason I have stayed home lately away from the general population.  You are welcome!  Well that and I ugly cry and nobody wants to see that.  I hope and pray that there is a higher power-like reason we are going through all this and that at the end (when our kids are here) we will laugh at this and quickly forget these times.  I guess the alternative just sounds more depressing!  We still need good vibes sent our way.

instagram-turntfortom-c6e9ea-e1521133680250.png     “When life is falling apart but you still smile and act like it’s all good here”

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