We ARE the Murphy’s Law of adoption

If you ever want to know all the things that could go wrong in an international (Peruvian) adoption, read our blog, ask us!  I took a hiatus from writing because I was truly overwhelmed….actually, overwhelmed probably doesn’t even cover the feelings we were experiencing these past few months.  We were both exhausted and deflated and very, very close to shutting this whole thing down.  There is only so much a person can take.  I’ll start explaining the last obstacle we came upon.  Back in mid May we requested to study the case of a sibling group of 3.  We waited to hear a response which did not come within the Peruvian constitutionally required time (we know this to be 10 working days).  Upon inquiry, we learned that an oversight of the orphanage had not gotten the paternal signature to formally make the children orphans and therefore free for adoption. (OMG Peru you are killing me, slowly)  Yes friends, if this was ever going to happen, it was, of course, going to happen to us.  This had to be corrected and we expected it to be done quickly by means of going to a judge in the city and the dad signing away his rights and granting us access to study files and eventually adopt them.  Just a little background on the parents without saying too much, mom checked out as soon as she could but dad remained in the picture, going as far as to visit them while they were in the orphanage.  I’m sure this is the oversight that gave him the opportunity to petition said court to keep the kids there.  Now we know he cannot have them for many reasons I won’t disclose, but the fact that he actively petitioned a court for this, tells me that there is a parent that wants them.  I am assuming that his petition came after learning that the kids might be adopted to someone overseas.  Now as you can imagine, that information made us die a thousand deaths.  At that moment, I can absolutely tell you that I had no idea what right or wrong looked like.  I found myself rooting for the dad though all the representatives and the staff at the DGA said the best thing for them was to be adopted.  How does one come to terms with that information?  It was hard for me to think that in the story we tell these kids in the future, we might not look all that great.  Anyway, this was in the courts for over a month with no resolution from the judge.  At this point, all we could do was wait.  We left it up to the judge, fate, destiny, God, whoever’s job it was to decide, but not us.  We were also given the priority list to review for the 5th time, in case this doesn’t work out.  We weren’t going to look at it anymore, we were walking away.  Then the resolution was given late last week and the kids were deemed orphans free for adoption.  We still have to wait to get the DGA approval and I am sure, as the sun rises in the east, that it won’t come without some challenges and delays.  So to recap, I have a son leaving for college, I have been unable to teach with the prospect of travel to Peru, we have recently bought ourselves one more year here before the army moves us, we weren’t able to make any plans to celebrate our 20 years of marriage unsure of travel timeframe and we are quickly losing our mind over the not knowing.  Full disclosure, we have had to take turns losing our s—— over this.  If both of us lose it we shut this down.  This is by far the most OUT OF CONTROL we have felt throughout this process.  Tomorrow Chris and I celebrate 20 years of marriage and if 14 moves, army separations, deployments, infertility, and this adoption hasn’t done us in, we are in it for the long haul.  We are definitely stronger than we think.

 

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